Carmen Ona Huggins

EULOGY - CARMEN ONA HUGGINS

Carmen Ona Huggins better known as Mother Dear / Mums / Aunty Carmen / Sister Carmen / Mrs Huggins and Ma’am to Coast Guard friends, was born on 21 April 1926 having the perceived honour to share the same birth date as Queen Elizabeth II. She was married to Alston Henry Huggins on 26 February 1945 for approximately fifty years until his death in 1995 and raised five children David, Charmian, Urban, Kirton and Roma “The Chile”. How do I summarize a life spanning ninety years? Many of us will say 90 years is a good innings, and those of us who enjoy a good game of cricket know that when someone makes 90 runs their contribution to the side was important and significant. I dare say, so was my mother’s. Permit me to share with you some memories and life lessons that remain dear to us.

A crucial factor in her life was the loss of a lung to tuberculosis in her early twenties. Roma, Urban and myself were not around for that sickness that had her hospitalized for more than a year and since that incident we have never known her to be sick, until earlier this year when she was hospitalized and eventually to her demise. However before we get to that juncture lets focus on her contribution to the family over the years.

IMMEDIATE FAMILY

For her immediate family she made a house a home, she was the one who always took care of us. She ensured that every child’s birthday was special by bringing out the best chinaware and sitting the birthday child at the head of the table, while everyone sang happy birthday.  At Christmas we can all recall the pride and joy she had to make sure her house was always pristine and in tiptop order. The older folks here can remember the floors being well polished with a bright shine. When that job was completed only daddy was allowed to walk on the floors. Her deceased brother Milton however caused her a lot of distress when he visited, as he would walk on her floors upon entry with his army boots shouting “Reds”. That drove her up a wall so when she heard him she would drop what she was doing to stop his entry and direct him to the back door.

Raised in a time when education of girls was not considered important, my dad always said that she was the best financial manager that he ever met and worked with. She stretched the limited disposable income, to enable the purchase of several electronic appliances that made her daily responsibilities easier. In addition to the above she kept a firm control of her accounts with alacrity. She could always tell you the balances of her accounts and perused her bank statements in detail, seeking advice if she did not understand a particular item. She always managed and made sure to pay her bills never defaulting on a payment.

She did not waiver from her value system, which she instilled in us, and generally didn’t hesitate to let you know you were on the wrong track.  I distinctly remember as a child overhearing her sternly reading the proverbial Riot Act to our cousin Ray (Russelburn) who was courting or “tracking” a neighbour, to ensure he had honourable intentions. He took heed, as they have been married for more than forty years.

I have also burnt in memory some of her sayings when imposing her seemingly uncaring and merciless will:

“Stop crying or I will give you something to cry about”,
“A judger is a sinner”
“Watch your tongue or I will send some teeth down your throat”,
“You better eat what I make for you because this is not a restaurant and don’t waste my time and effort”
And of course Keith and Gerard will fondly remember “you must know when to leave people home”

She was very stubborn at times, so if you were not able to convince her you can be assured she would follow her mind. She was very resourceful, one time when Urban took too long to cut down the coconut tree she arranged to do it…while he was still trying to find someone. I remember a funny moment with Urban’s dog, which gave her a lot of trouble nipping her ankles, tripping her and destroying her plants she treasured so much. She told him to get rid of the dog, but he said her that the dog was a good companion for her. I remembered the quarrel. So one day when Urban returned home from work he went to feed his dog, he kept calling and looking for the dog with no response. Long story short, she called the TSPCA and had them take the dog away.  She was also a peacemaker, and every decision she made was in the best interest of her family.

OTHER FAMILY

This is where she probably had the most impact.  She was most attentive to her siblings. If she only heard that any one of her brothers or sister were ill she would drop everything that she was doing and rush to their aid, being prepared to stay with them until full recovery. She created a welcome loving home atmosphere in which all were received, including friends of family.  The lady’s life whom we are celebrating, was one devoted to her family that not only included her husband and children, but her siblings, numerous nieces, nephews, cousins, grandchildren, godchildren and friends and acquaintances that became family.

Although she may have had her favourite she never expressed a favourite child and treated everyone equally in every aspect. With respect to all her nieces and nephews every one had a special place in her heart and she always greeted each one genuinely whenever they visited. There was always an extra plate for anyone who visited unexpectedly. Sometimes in looking back over the years I wondered how she did it.

Her house was open to everyone. I recalled when our Uncle Clem left Trinidad to visit England she did not hesitate to look after their children (our cousins) for the period of time. At Christmas time and in particular Christmas night when we were young all our uncles, aunts and cousins visited our house and she ensured that everyone was imbibed with the joy and spirit of Christmas.

School holidays were some of the best times, as the house would be full of children, when cousins visited. Despite our exuberance and rearrangement of her house, mom kept things in order with humour and grace, distributing chores, keeping hungry mouths fed and looking after us continuously. She had a good method of monitoring. If we were too quiet she would call one of us just to ensure where we were and what we were doing then tell us to continue what we were doing. The majority of us can testify to her generosity, advice, concern, care and discipline.  Whenever she did not approve of what you were doing there were the stares you got that would make you stop and adjust your behaviour as the look spelt some impending doom, or the hand that would grab the nearest instrument of punishment.

OTHERS

She became a parent to all her children’s friends. Most of them will remember her at Carnival and Christmas times when our house at Belle Smythe Street became the hub of activity. Mom would be up early to ensure we all had a good breakfast, help us with costumes and ensured we had a good meal upon our return. She would also be part of our post carnival discussions enjoying our experiences…alcoholically and otherwise. I can assure you after Jouvert or Carnival Tuesday evening many of our friends would have thought she was an angel when she saved their lives with a hot plate of peleau or coffee and Buljol and hops. I particularly remember a time before Carnival when I had to put my foot down and insisted she remained home when she was thinking of travelling to spend time with Charmian. I recalled telling Gerard about her intent and he was wondering what we would do without Aunty Carmen.

She never liked to cook, but boy she prepared the most delicious meals. Some of Urban’s friends still talk of her salt beef oil down that they were privileged to enjoy. She took a course in cooking once and would bring home samples of what she made in class. We were not too happy with the taste of the samples and told her to stop attending the classes as her meals were much better.

She was very ambitious and creative, and found ways to add to disposable income without disrupting her household responsibilities. She did not work in an office, but was very busy and active during her life as a hair stylist, flower arranger, seller of Amway products and practiced geriatric care. Regarding geriatric care she successfully completed a course when she was 70 years old. She developed life long friends in the neighbourhoods and church communities she lived in. Very often they would meet at the different homes to crochet or knit and at that time update themselves on all the current events that was occurring in the neighbourhood.  Sometimes a sister from the church would visit and the conversation would go on for hours while she completed her daily chores.

CONCLUSION

She supported us however she could in our endeavours and did not impose her wishes. She was more concerned with our problems rather than her own and even during her last days she used to pray for us specifying our particular needs. Ever a selfless soul, she was interested in everyone’s life and wanted the best for everyone, frequently enquiring about your life’s progress…even when her own life was getting shorter.

I am not sure if all of you would have known her condition, but we found out a week before her passing that she developed stomach cancer and an endoscopy revealed her stomach was filled with tumours. At that stage there was nothing that could be done to cure her condition so the focus was ensuring that her final days would be comfortable and pain free. In this regard I must compliment the hospice care given by the staff of VITAS who ensured a peaceful end.

We all here would remember her as a source of solace and comfort always with a gentle word, advice and very supportive. She had an impact on our lives that we would all treasure in our hearts. It is at least heartening to say that she lived a full life and generally enjoyed it. She told us before she departed she was tired. She believed she worked hard, did what she had to do and was ready to go home. She also frequently told Jesus she was ready. In one of our recent conversations I told her she had to eat first and get back her strength before she can fly home. Her response was, “Not Trinidad stupidee, home to Jesus.”

Being proud she was concerned that she was giving us too much trouble and being an embarrassment. Despite assuring her we were returning the favour she did for us, as she was now the child, the only consideration she gave was to wait on Urban to arrive to see him before she departed. She laughingly told Roma after learning he was arriving the following Thursday, “Ok. I will hold on.” Sad to say her last responsive moment was acknowledging Urban Thursday night before she expired at 0142 hours on Saturday morning.

She continuously gave thanks to the Lord for her children who looked after her needs and cared for her. David and Charmian would no doubt miss her more than most having lived with her for a number of years until this moment. She was also thankful for the love, attention and support given by her brothers, sisters-in-laws, daughters-in-law, son-in-law, nieces, nephews and friends.

A special thanks to Aunty Cynthia who was her compere throughout, and to our cousin Karen, for their efforts in her care and treatment. I must also thanks to you my family, aunts, cousins, friends who offered support, gave condolences and took the time and effort to share in this celebration, the life of Carmen Ona Huggins our mother, sister, mother-in-law, aunt, sister-in-law and friend. I can safely tell you all is well with her soul.

She leaves to cherish her life

Children – David, Charmian, Urban, Kirton and Roma.

Son-in-Law - Winston Miller,

Daughters-in-Law - Yasmin and Alicia.

Grandchildren – Neil, Sara, Kriston, Amare, Penniel, Kabir, Eason and Kaion. 

Great grands – Amarah, Ariyah, Zion and Kimariyah. 

Siblings – Delor and Carl. 

Sisters-in-Law Cynthia and Florrie, and

A host of nieces, nephews and cousins.

Thank you Mother Dear for your life. Farewell and May you Rest In Peace.

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